Why Breda O’Brien thinks the real crisis is the growing silence around the grandchildren gap

DCM Editorial Summary: This story has been independently rewritten and summarised for DCM readers to highlight key developments relevant to the region. Original reporting by The Irish Times, click this post to read the original article.

You’re living in a world where families are shrinking, and that’s having a big impact on relationships between generations. Decades ago, when families had around four children, you could expect 100 grandparents to have about 400 grandchildren. But with Ireland’s current fertility rate of 1.5, that number drops to just 56. By 2037, it could fall further to 42, based on projections by the Central Statistics Office. The replacement rate — the number of births needed to maintain the population — is 2.1, and we’re falling short. While society today embraces lifestyle choices like “fur babies,” many older people still long for real grandchildren, and this shift is leaving a gap not only in households but in hearts.

You may notice that although Ireland’s population is still growing, it’s due more to population momentum than current birth rates. Women who were born during higher fertility periods are still having children, even if fewer. At the same time, people are living longer. That masks the fact that birth rates have dropped — “peak baby” happened in 2010, and “peak child” is expected in 2024. Look further afield to China if you want a glimpse into the future. Their one-child policy caused long-term damage. Although it ended in 2015, cultural attitudes haven’t shifted; children are now seen as a luxury, just like expensive cars. With people, especially women, living alone in greater numbers and loneliness on the rise, China’s experience is a warning sign.

In Ireland, there’s no coercion around having fewer children, but the impact is clear. You’re likely seeing women having children later in life — the average age for first-time mothers is 33.2, the oldest in Europe. Couples are marrying later too, with women marrying at nearly 36 and men at almost 38. That also pushes grandparenthood to later in life, diminishing the time and energy older relatives have to spend with the younger generation. It’s no surprise that in conversations about parenting and ageing, people are beginning to voice concern that these shifting timelines make intergenerational support more difficult.

You probably know someone who’s commented on how hard it is to raise a family today, and they’re not wrong. Even though most people say they would like more children, the cost of living, housing shortages, and a cultural script that encourages delaying marriage and parenthood all get in the way. There’s an unspoken idea that settling down too early means the end of freedom and ambition. As a result, many young couples who do start families in their mid-20s face social pressure to wait and “enjoy life” first — a shift that has made traditional life milestones feel increasingly out of reach.

This trend has a deep emotional cost. You might see headlines about how an ageing population will strain pensions and health care, but what’s less discussed is how loneliness and disconnection could grow. Relationships between grandparents and grandchildren offer emotional support, strengthen communities, and benefit both young and old in ways screens never can. A society that loses those connections won’t just face economic challenges — it risks becoming colder, more isolated, and ultimately sadder.